This YouTube video came to me from a Facebook post by a college friend of my husbands. I couldn’t believe my eyes and I was so in shock that I missed much of the nuances during my first viewing. Ok, we need to talk about this.
Watch the video and then come back to this paragraph. First view of Rick brings the thought that he is a fairly attractive older gentleman with poor taste in bathing suits…. And then he begins to speak….I have never been to Hedonism, nor have I spent time in Arizona, the state where Rick is from. I now have crossed both off my bucket lists and vow to never cross the border or property lines. He has been to Hedonism 40 times since 1988? Never thought about expanding your horizons Rick? The rippin’ and the tearin’? What does that mean???? …Ok cue Beyoncé, and you know that is my girl….. Ok “Diva” is now erased from every playlist of mine…. What is he doing? Wait! Why is he dancing like that? What is with the thrusting? OMG!!!!! What the hell is that? SWEET BABY JESUS!!! Where is my bleach and prophylactic?
I know what rippin’ is…. It’s me rippin’ the bathroom door open so I can get sick and the tearin’ is me tearin’ my eyeballs from my head to get this vision out of my head.
Ladies, if your marriage is looking a bit piqued I highly encourage you to take a long look at single Rick. Do you really want to take a dip in the single pond knowing that your next Prince Charming could be Hedo Rick? Certainly makes your husband look a whole lot better doesn’t it? Now that we are taking a look at Rick, I have a few things that must be said but let’s first view Rick at his finest interacting with the ladies at Hedonism.
This looks like a parody of a Cialis commercial. In fact if the makers of Cialis had submitted this to the FDA along with their protocol, the drug would have been denied due to dangerous health consequences to the remaining public.
Look at the poor woman he is “dancing” for… Really a better term is assaulting. She has torticollis from trying to avoid a concussion from Rick’s gonads that are swinging in her face as he tries to break some speed of sound record with his hips. Within the first 10 seconds I have been over-exposed to Rick’s hyperactive scrotum and I am floored. I have so many questions!
Rick, hasn’t anyone told you that sort of thrusting is offensive? Quite frankly, I feel like after 1:18 of video, I have seen your whole game. I am not impressed in the least. Pssst….It’s bad form to jump on a woman’s lap and engage in the sort of maneuvers that threaten to knock her teeth out. Good Lord you are like an untrained dog! The poor woman in the video would have told you so but she has been a mute since this filming and is undergoing treatment for PTSD. She is also considering switching teams. Can you blame her?
Now, here is the $100,000 question. WHO is letting this man ANYWHERE near their goodies? There is not enough liquor distilled nor enough pharmaceuticals manufactured that could excuse that sort of poor judgement. If you have been a victim, please contact me and I will arrange a team for support and if you are considering Rick, please contact me for an intervention. We will watch a marathon of Rom-Coms until the urge to bleach your eyeballs has passed.
Now here is the disclaimer, I am not a prude in my marriage nor have I ever been promiscuous before it. I love my husband dearly. He has given me 3 gorgeous children, much love and support, a wonderful life and really pretty diamonds but if he ever, EVER, put those moves on me, I would be forced to punch him in the throat and revoke his playground privileges immediately!
Spring break is around the corner, be very careful! Gentlemen, share this post with your wife as one look at Rick will have you looking like a superstar!