After much talk about the women and the newest trends towards Bushy Gardens, I have been asked to speak of men and their grooming habits. Not wanting to appear or be accused of being sexist, I agree that something should be said but what really do I know about the current trends of men and their manscaping. I have dated my husband for 20 years and even our last breakup was 15 years ago; I am grossly under-informed. Thankfully I have Google and a husband who has never read anything I have posted so I accept the challenge.

I started to think about men. They have an awful lot of hairy areas, there are so many possibilities. But let’s just talk about the “hair down there” for now. Personally I like my man to be trimmed but not looking like he supplements his income dancing at bachelorette parties on the weekends…. You know the type, bizarrely hairless on sight but God forbid if you make contact as you will certainly have your flesh torn from your body by stubble. Now when trimming, I personally would be violently opposed to it being trimmed into any shape a preschooler could identify, for example a triangle, trapezoid or dare I say it…. Heart! That’s just downright creepy. Just an overall trim. After all, the shorter the lawn, the taller the tree!

Maybe you are not particularly hairy. How then do you determine if you need a trim? Well that’s easy. Make your way to the bathroom. Remove your clothing. Look down. Does it look like 2 squirrel tails are hanging down on either side of your business? If yes, then you definitely need to trim. No one wants to worry if they will need a rabies series after a night of passion. If you are squirrel-less, does that make you trim exempt? Not yet, my friend. Not yet. If it is difficult to find your business when it is taking a little siesta, then you should trim. Definitely trim.

So when does it become too much of a good thing? Well I guess it all depends on your personal taste. I think a man should look like a man and a naked pubic mound does nothing but remind me of a hood of an old Buick. But some women might like their significant others bare. Good for them. I have 2 words for you… Beard burn. Keep the fire extinguisher handy.

Which leads us to Betty Beauty’s new pube dye. Apparently P. Diddy received a kit and gave them a very public thank you as show on page 6. But you have to consider the guy changes his name every 6 months so what has he got to lose, nothing but the grey I suppose.

I had no expert to ask, because I still have not yet found the gay male friend of my dreams*, so I called my grandmother and asked her to help me out with this. She said that men should not trim down there…. But she has always had a special place in her heart for squirrels. She did say however that there “was too many damn things on the market for a man to ever have a hairy back!” I told her we were most concerned about the below the belt region, but she wasn’t finished. She wanted to make sure that I said that “Hairy nostrils and ear holes are disgusting! Cripe!”

So from time to time you will hear me talk about my grandmother and you should know that she is the best! Hands down. She is this tiny Portuguese woman with a fiery temper and she can bake her ass off. Just picture Magda from There is Something About Mary with Ben Stiller and Cameron Diaz plus maybe 10 years… With the tan, cigarettes and bangles.

*My best friend “Carol” (would you want your friend to use your name on a blog like this?) and I have been searching for a fabulous gay friend for years to no avail, it’s most disheartening. If you know of someone with fabulous style, wicked sense of humor, and serious rhythm and taste in music, please send him our way. He probably doesn’t even know how much he has missed us…..

2 thoughts on “Manscaping

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