I am still not quite sure that this is a great idea. However, there is something to be said about the universe giving you a push…. So here it is…. My foray. This has disaster written all over it. In fact, I have purposely neglected to fill in much of my personal information as insurance against certain fall out. But here are my ground rules….
1. If you are offended by swearing, you are in the wrong spot. Please close this screen and don’t come back. I don’t use every swear word but I do swear… I have my favorites of course and some that are my go to curses in everyday situation. There are a few that were not popular with me but my best friend uses them constantly so now they are part of my repertoire. She added Jackass and Douche. I don’t ever say the “C” word or “MF’er”. My children who teenagers are not allowed to even say “crap” or “bitch” let alone some of the words I love. I am a curse word hypocrite. I own it and I am not afraid of your judgement.
2. If you are devoutly religious with no tolerance for any way other than your own, you are in the wrong spot. We won’t be friends. I think world religion is beautiful and there are parts of each that I admire so greatly that I would like to make a Baskin Robbins religion, like 31 flavors. I was born and raised Roman Catholic, I have a favorite Buddha bracelet, a Ganesha statue, a mezuzah at my front door, and a dream catcher in one of my girls’ bedrooms. I will leave it at that. Tolerance is the key word here folks.
3. I have a job. I sell high-end real estate. I don’t ever speak about my clients or work on Facebook and I won’t do it here either. I am loyal and I value their privacy. If they want to tell you how wonderful I am, them that is their business. They can leave anonymous comments on the bottom, if this thing even allows for it… Which come to think of it, I am not even sure that I want that….ever.
4. I am extremely active at my children’s school and being the loyal person that I am there will never be bashing of the school, administration or faculty. If you post it, I will remove it. I love them all, I don’t care if you don’t, but if I can ever help you solve a problem you can email me privately and I will do everything in my power to help you.
5. No, I have never taken or tried a recreational drug, I rarely drink and I don’t smoke. I swear and shop my way out of most of my funky blue moods. It has worked for 40 yrs, I may take up a martini or 2 every 6 months in my future but short of that whatever I write comes from my everyday impaired brain.
6. Yes, it takes a special man to be married to me. I get that. Trust me, it ain’t all bad for him!
7. I come from a very, very long line of women who find inappropriate subjects hilarious. There is no helping us, it is genetically ingrained. We had to take my then 86 yr old great-grandmother aside and remove from her possession a checkbook that had a pop-up penis in it as she was accosting young men at gas stations and restaurants. If you are offended by talk of vaginas, penises, breasts or sex, you should probably forget that you even heard of this blog. You will be happier for it.
8. I have learned that a bit of humor can make nearly anything at least a bit better. I have faced what is to date the most impossibly sad part of my life. I lost my dearest family member and first friend to cancer last year. I spent weeks sleeping in her hospital room living out of a suitcase I kept behind her chair. We laughed at everything and the one constant was the parade of nurses saying the same thing… “This is my favorite room. There is so much love in this room, so much joy. You walk in and you just feel the lightness.” They remarked how they wished that their other patients could feel this. We were just doing our thing, being silly girls, but we could find a bit of joy even when the darkness was closing in. So this is for you Jodi, when we were making plans for what we would do after you got out of the hospital this time and I said I would write a book and you said, “Why haven’t you?” This is for you because I get the chance to have my tomorrow when you did not. I promise to give it my all and make it as crazy as we all were together.